Every once in a while, my heart flutters over a movie star – guys like George Clooney or Bradley Cooper. But, never to the extent that I have seen my roommate’s Hollywood crush manifest itself as a 13-year-old girl in the body of a 25-year-old young woman.
What began as a strange gesture of support turned into a building wide prank of the year. This odd order of events started to unfold when my boyfriend and I broke up. As I pouted, my friends attempted to cheer me up with chocolate, ice cream, and more chocolate. However, this one friend had a more unusual way of sending her emotional support – by mailing me a life-size cardboard reproduction of Jacob, from Twilight. It was accompanied by a note that read something like this: “I’m so sorry for your loss. However, your better off without him! Here’s your fake boyfriend in the meantime to help you get back on your feet.”
How sweet, yet really strange, of this friend. I brushed it off – she must have transposed her enthusiasm for the series onto me. After all, we had seen the movies together. But, she was the one who was the unofficial president of Jacob’s fan club – she had it all – the sun-visor, t-shirt, sweatpants, flip flops – every type of merchandise that could be created. I suspected she managed the twitter @TeamJacob, but I never confirmed that hunch.
Of course, I sent her a thank you text and let it go, until we moved in together the next month. On move in day, she pulled out her version of the Jacob “statue,” setting him up in the living room. “Doesn’t this look great here?” she asked me. I gritted my teeth in one of those beauty pageant smiles where no one could know my actual feelings as I contemplated a response that would not insult her and start us off with our first roommate fight on day one.
“I’m not sure that goes with the décor,” I told her. “Oh,” my roommate mumbled in disappointment. Leaning into my assertive voice as I saw my roommate pick up Jacob to put him in her room, I continued: “I’m also not sure he makes sense in your room either. What if you have a guy over? What is he going to think of this? Clearly you don’t want him to think you are choosing between him and Jacob?”
Okay, that last comment might have gone too far. I held my breath as I waited for my roommate’s reaction. That resonated with her. So I acted quickly – picking up Jacob and carrying him into the hallway’s trash room. When I came back, she looked as if she lost a puppy – I handed her a bunch of jelly beans to distract her from Jacob’s demise in the compactor. “No one will ever have to know!” I told my roommate.
That turned out to be half-true. Later that week, Jacob turned up in front of one of our neighbor’s doors, then someone else’s door on the 11th floor, and finally in the lobby of the building, he chilled next to the couches. When I asked the doorman about it, he mentioned one of the porters had found Jacob in the trash room, but thought him too handsome to throw away. So, Jacob, began making the rounds – he would mysteriously appear in front of different apartments – someone in the elevator joked the building was haunted with Native American spirits.
Silently, I continued to chuckle to myself about the situation. Secretly, I hoped there was no name scribbled on the back to indicate my roommates as the original owner. I could only imagine what she might have been tempted to write: Jacob and Elizabeth 4EVER. Yup, spelled just like that. LOL.
Finally, Jacob disappeared completely, perhaps Edward came to visit our building and took him out? We will never know, and I didn’t dare ask. Eventually, my roommate did move on and found a real boyfriend. Unfortunately for her, his name was not Jacob. But, they did fall in love, the happily ever after kind. I’m thinking of getting her a life-size version of him for her future bachelorette party, but that’s a story for another time.