Mom, Drop the Binoculars!

So I went from living by myself to living with the parentals. It’s been an adjustment to the say the least. However, when I moved back into the house that I grew up in, I made a pact with my family about my independence. I had the chance to test it out when I went on a date recently.

Taking a page from the Medieval Ages, my future Prince Charming, whom I met on an online dating website (which shall remain nameless), asked if he could pick me up. Why not, I thought, even though my initial reaction was pure panic! What if he met my parents? That awkward situation hadn’t repeated itself since high school and it could stay that way. Despite that I’m in my mid-20’s, I never wanted to repeat that scene ever again! When I realized the fam would be away at the beach, I accepted Charming’s chivalrous offer.

However, due to a change in plans (don’t you just love when that happens?), my parents were home when he was about to arrive. “Mom, do you want to meet him?” I asked in as polite and fake way that I could. “Do you see me right now?!?” she replied, exasperated. “I mean, this is not a way for your Future Husband to judge me – well actually you! I would scare him away!” she motioned up and down, referencing her stringy hair, runny mascara, and the sand still stuck between her toes fro the beach day. “True story!” I responded, graciously accepting her decline.

When I saw his car pull up in the driveway, I gathered my purse and put on my shoes. He rang the doorbell. I smoothed my dress nervously, hoping he would not hear my family who were actually upstairs in my brother’s room using his childhood binoculars, each likely shoving eachother as they took turns peering out the window to get a closer look at my Prince and me. I wanted to scream, “Mom! Drop the Binoculars!” However, I shut the door quickly, pretending like nothing was happening upstairs. Cool as a cucumber, I walked down the driveway with him.

He opened the car door for me – that had never happened before! He was definitely getting points tonight. And then, I felt my phone vibrate and glanced down to read the text message: “Nice touch, opening the door for you. Such a gentleman!” I tried not to roll my eyes to cue him in on the text message. I quickly wrote back, “Okay mom. no more texts!”

I had a fantastic evening with Prince Charming. He wined and dined me, the hours passed by so quickly. Suddenly, it was midnight on a work night, and time to go home. Charming drove me back to my parents house. And as we awkwardly smiled at eachother in the car, he kissed me. We kissed a few more times, and then I thanked him for a fantastic evening.

When I opened the door to my house, I felt that I was still smiling at how much fun I had that  evening. It was quiet as the floor boards creaked underneath my feet as I tiptoed to my room. However, a voice came from the living room. “So?” I heard my brother’s voice whisper out to me: “He picked you up, opened the car door for you, and took you out in the city. How was it?” he asked in such a parental tone I felt he was my mom.

I rolled my eyes. I think it’s time for me to get my own place again, I mumbled under my breath, heading to my childhood bedroom. I hope those binoculars didn’t capture any photos of the two of us! I’m sure I’ll hear more over breakfast tomorrow morning. 

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