For me, Weird Al pioneered the pop music parody. Yet, with the rise in popularity of sites like YouTube, the masses have followed in his footsteps. Most recently, unique renditions of “Call Me Maybe” and “Gangman Style” have been produced and uploaded to share with the world. If I were to pick a song to parody my college roommate, I would dub it “Teach Me How To Clean” named after Cali Swag District’s “Teach Me How To Dougie!” (never heard of the song, don’t worry, neither had I until recently).
Why this song? First, I lived the pampered life in the residence halls where the University’s janitorial staff cleaned communal spaces. When I moved out and into a house with my three friends off-campus, we were on our way to cleaning independence. However, despite our Ivy League education, home economics had not been a subject we pursued.
With a divide and conquer mindset, we decided to create a rotation schedule for the cleaning responsibilities, split between the four of us. The first week, when my roommate cleaned the bathroom, we watched as she took the toilet sponge and cleaned the inside of the bowl, scrubbing the white porcelain with disinfectant. Then, she proceeded to clean the toilet seat, floor, and sink with the same sponge! Stop! We yelled when we realized what was happening. Clearly, she had never cleaned a bathroom before this day. This was why a separate sponge existed for the inside and outside of the toilet. And this is where “Teach Me How to Clean” would have been helpful. Reflecting on her faux pas, the first paragraph would have gone something like this:
Aye, aye! Teach me how to clean (aye!) they be like roommate (what?) can you teach me how to clean? you know why? cause y’all da bathroom kinda dirty (aye) All you need is two sponges that’s super solvent and for you, you, and you to use it once for the can and the other for da tub!
Alas, no one choreographed a dance or collaborated on these lyrics to “Teach Me How to Clean.” Yes, I do mean ME specifically because I was the one who had to learn the hard way how to clean. I double dipped the sponge from the toilet to the tub.