Let’s Roll With It

English: Toilet paper, orientation "over&...

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From the toiletries aisle at Target, our roommate called the apartment to ask: “Hey, do you guys still need toilet paper?” With the phone on speaker, my roommate and I listened, half in amusement, half in frustration as our third roommate offered to make his first communal purchase. While his call came six weeks too late, I replied, “yea, we do,” with an emphasis on the we.

Despite multiple requests to purchase toilet paper, our roommate had refused.  Being most frugal, and probably choosing to spend his money on other real college essentials like beer, he even suggested “borrowing” toilet paper from the University’s bathrooms on-campus for our off-campus apartment. Had we followed through on the plan, we might have been known as the University’s first toilet paper bandits.

Down to our last four pack of paper, my other roommate and I began to hide a roll in a drawer, and take it into the bathroom when needed. We figured we would force the other roommate into buying toilet paper eventually.  Let’s roll with It, we decided as one, two, and three rolls later, the supply diminished in our bathroom. The intended plan was not working. Eventually when the last roll disappeared, our roommate said nothing. He continued to use the bathroom, but we had no idea what, if anything, he used instead of toilet paper.

One day, we discovered his interim solution – paper towels from the kitchen were his toilet paper of choice. So when he returned with a generic single ply four pack from the store, we were not surprised by his selection. A few weeks later, he moved out, but not without leaving a legacy behind -the toilet stopped working. When the plumber came to unclog it, the source of the trouble revealed itself in the infinite number of  paper towels stuffed down the pipes. In fact, the plumber admitted he had never seen so many towels in one toilet. For the rest of our time in the apartment, we purchased medium soft paper, and ensured no one ever used paper towels again.

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